Honestly

Honestly I just want people to say that we are good together, that I wouldn’t be stupid for going back to you.

I feel like nobody understands me, what I am going through nor my feelings. I know I am stupid, I know I am out of my mind and I should have more respect for myself, but it is just not that simple. And trust me when I say I hate myself for this, because I know how incredibly stupid it is, but I cannot help it. I cannot help but want him. The want I feel for him, the need even after he treated me like this, I want it to go away, I want so badly to be over it, to be over him. But I think the fact that it never really ended is what is making it so difficult for me. Because there is still something in me that believes that he could be better to me.

I am fighting myself, hating myself for the feelings inside of me. All I want is to be understood by others, and by myself. 

- CS

To become old and wise we must first be young and stupid

It is to me incredible how one person can change so much in you. You can go from happy to unhappy, or from unhappy to happy in no time. One person can change your life totally, change your feelings and your thoughts, make you see the world in another way than you have before. A person can make you look at yourself in a new way, make you think of yourself and others in a different perspective.

The person can make a big difference, or a small one. Two people have made a huge difference in my life and changed my way of thinking. There was her and then there was him. She was in my life for a very long time before she became this important, he was not.

She was like the sun rising a happiness and warmth inside of me. She showed me true love and she made me feel something I had always longed to feel. She made me happy and she made me laugh in the most incredible love-filled way. She gave me a new meaning of love. She made my heart smile.

He came into my life like a hunters arrow being shot directly into the heart of his prey. He melted my heart, he changed my plans. His adorable brown eyes and his cheeky smile made me feel something I had felt before, only this time it was stronger. Everything was good, he was lovely and he made me believe he thought the same of me. but something changed, and my heart never solidified again.

People change and people change you. Some people will treat you with respect and some will not. Some will teach you how to live your life by helping you through it with love and their best advices. Some will teach you by treating you badly and breaking your heart. But the people that will come and go throughout your life will make you who you are, who you are meant to be. And to become old and wise we must first be young and stupid. 

- CS

Be yourself

In reality, no one cares, they’re just curious.

You want to come in my life, the door is open. You want to get out of my life, the door is open. Just one request. Don’t stand at the door, you are blocking the traffic.

"In life it is much easier to give advice to others than to do it to ourselves."

To be old and wise, you must first have to be young and stupid. So follow your heart, and do what you like. 

The biggest challenge in life is to be yourself in a world that is trying to make you be like everyone else.

But there's only one you and only one me, so let's keep it that way.

Let's celebrate being who we are. 

- CS

Let's do this!

Let’s do this.

Let’s go out and have fun

Enjoy the night

Enjoy being young

This is what this year is made for

To have fun with some wonderful people

I am here to enjoy it

To create memories

Let’s go out and be crazy

Lets scare this world

Dance like wild animals

And sing out loud.

- CS

Ready to continue

You know, I’m just so happy to be over you.

I almost don’t even fancy you anymore.

I almost don’t give a shit about you.

And it’s nice, it’s a huge god damn relief.

I can finally breath, I can finally enjoy my time here.

I mean, I enjoyed my time with you.

And I don’t know if I would do it again if you came back

But I am happy, I am glad to be happy without you.

I could go on and on about how wonderful you were.

I could write a whole book about what a jerk you are.

But I wont, I will find a new rode to travel.

I will find a new guy and he will treat me better than you ever planned on.

As I once heard in a song.

It’s not what you said.

It’s the lies and everything you concealed.

It’s the way you said goodbye.

And now I am finally ready to say goodbye for good.

To get over you and continue on with the adventure that is my life.

I’m gonna have fun, I’m gonna meet new interesting people.

And I’m gonna laugh, with them and of you. 

- CS

Too many feelings in it?

I wish you would see what a cute couple we would be.

People ask me all the time what is between us,

I never know what to tell them

But they always tell me we would look cute together

They say we are perfect for each other.

People keep telling me to invite you to the dance

I just say I might

But really I can’t figure out if I want to or not

It's not that I’m afraid you will say no, okay a little

It's that I don’t really think you deserved to be asked.

You should be begging by my feet

You should be letting me know that you really care

And if you don’t, then let me know that instead of leding me on

I don’t wanna do this anymore if you’re gonna hurt me again

I’m here to have fun, I know I can have fun with you, but is there too many feelings in it?

- CS

An act.

You know, when I see you now I feel anger

I feel love and I feel lust.

I miss you

And I miss your touch.

When you scroll down the hallways in your black jacket

I feel like I don’t even know you.

And when you look the other way, acting like you don’t see me

It hurts so bad.

I just can’t seem to figure you out

You say you miss me and wanna spend time with me

But why don’t you then?

Why do you text me like you love me but act like you don’t know me.

- CS

Humans, oh so stupid hunmas..

Why does people in this world feel a need to make everything so god damn confusing and complicated. Us humans are so fucked up. For real though, why can't we just treat each other like we wanna be treated? Why cant we just fucking think about others than our self? We talk shit about each other and get pissed if others do about us. why can't we just realize that NOBODY is perfect, not even that one person we look up to the most. all humans, also your idol, makes mistakes. It’s just a part of life, we learn from it so why can't we just fucking move on? Humans are fucking stupid, I am too. I keep going back to you even though you treated me like shit. But then again, you did treat me good too. You did make me laugh, you made me happy. So maybe I’m not that fucked up. I'm just trying to be happy, have fun, live while I’m young.  My question just is if it would make me happy to go back to you..?

Why is it that we cant just fall in love once, and then stay in love with that one person. Then of course the other person would fall in love with you too., so there wouldn’t be any heartburns.

You can say what you want, you can do whatever. But I won’t let you get away with hurting me like you did. If you really want me back you gotta show me you actually mean it. 

- CS.

Over him!

I am so happy to say that I am over it

I am over him and his stupid games

I shall not go back to him

He does not deserve it, and I

I deserve better, I deserve to be treated good

It’s a nice feeling to finally be able to tell myself that I won’t go back to him

And I really hope it won’t change, that I wont change my mind again

Because I know it is stupid

I know I would be a goddamn fool to go back to him

But I cannot ignore the little voice in my head telling me that I easily could go back

Go back to being hopelessly in love with a jerk, an idiot.

A player that is what he is

I know that for sure and the stupid ting is that deep down I knew it from the start

I should start listening more to my brain

But then again, I don’t regret what was between us

Actually I Ioved it

And as cheesy as it sounds, you only live once so why not live my life and have fun?

But I should not go back

Cause he’s an asshole, a freaking man whore

And I can find better

I do not need him to be happy

and yes, he did make me happy, but he also made my cry

- CS

You are such a jerk.

Yesterday I was happy

I super proud

Cause I was over you

I was over your shit

Your ugly lies and stupid games

Today I am confused

Again

I am confused about what you want

I am confused about what I want

And I do not know what to do

I wish you weren’t such a jerk

I wish everything between us still could be good

But you are a jerk

A fucking idiot

A stupid player

I liked you so much

You broke my heart so bad

I like you still

I just don’t know how much

How stupid I am

I know I shouldn’t go back to you

I hate you

I know I want to hurt you as bad as you hurt me

But I also know that I miss you

I miss us

You had me

My world was surround you

I thought I had you

I thought you truly felt something for me

But turns out you were only playing a game

Oh how I wish you weren’t such a jerk

How I wish I could figure out my own feelings and needs

- CS

Tattooed to my heart

Like a tattoo, I will always have you.

But I can cover you up with another tattoo.

- CS

Pathetic

You know what?

I think I am starting to get over you

I can now tell you that if you don’t show me something new soon

I will forget about you

I did not think it was possible

I did not see it coming

But right now I am just so sick and tired of your games

I am done being played and left alone feeling stupid

I still wonder where we stand

I still want to know

We need to talk, I know you know that just as well as I do

I am just not sure if you think it is necessary

Do you have any idea how much you hurt me?

I told my sister not to worry

She told me to make sure you would not hurt me before I let you too close

I did not tell her how you had already broken my heart

People warned me about you and I did not listen to them

I liked you, I really like you for your personality

I just wish you would say the same about me

I have no idea what you think about me

That I am pathetic?

- CS

Love isn't always what you think

Love isn’t always what you think

You think he is worth your time

You think he deserve you heart

You hope he’ll pay you back with his own

Is it really worth trying?

When all you think of is that one person

Even though you don’t know what he is think of

Even though he “can’t” hang out

Is it worth waiting for him to realize you need more

More than whatever It is he is giving

or, What he is not giving

- CS

IS THAT SO?

Do you still like me?

Am I still the one you want?

If we were sat in your car and you were dropping me off, would we be about to kiss?

Do you think of me as I think of you?

- CS

Our generation.

We, as teenagers living in 2014, don't talk our feelings, we just post it all online. If it's a simple little thought, a stupid joke we made up or something we feel deep inside, we post it. We put it all out there. 

We don't walk up to a person and tell them something we feel or think, instead we tweet it, we blog it or vlog it, we post it in a status on Facebook, we talk to strangers on omegle or whatever other media we might use, we ask ourself a question on Ask.fm and answer it, we Instagram it, we put it in our snapchat stories, we post it on tumblr, some might even make a vine. 

We are very social kids, we know exactly how to use the social medias. But interacting with actual people is another story. Our generation is split up in two categories. Either you are a social kid both online and in real life or, you are only social online. Our fast ways to judge each other has made it harder for us to be ourself, but online we can be whoever we want, we can even be our true self.

- CS

I AM SO STUPID

So guess what? The jerk talked to me today. He said “what’s up, Caroline” as he walked past me in the hallways. I stood by my locker as his stupid walking past my back. Turning my head I heard my voice speak a simple “hey” as his black eye moved down the hall towards his own locker. In my mind I was freaking out. I didn’t know what to do, or what to say. I wanted to ignore him, be hardcore, play hard to get. But that, my friend, is not my style I guess. Not around him at least. As soon as he gives me the slightest bit of attention I am hooked again. I am so stupid!

And guess what? I asked him if he could hang out some time soon. He said he didn’t know because wrestling season was starting. Surprising answer right there! not. I just wish I knew what is going on. No, I wish nothing was. I wish everything was as before. I wish he was mine, and mine alone. I wish I was his. I want to be able to kiss him, touch him, feel him, breath. But I want to smack him, hard. Make him hurt as much as I do. My eyes are still tearing up all the time. They long after him every time he is near. I catch myself looking for him constantly. It’s stupid. This day is stupid. I am so stupid!

- CS

Days

They go by fast, too fast most of the time.

But when you need time, time to recover.

They go by slow, too slow.

                                                     

You have made so many of my days so great.

You have made some miserable.

But I still want to spend my days with you.

I have spent days crying over you.

I have spend days smiling because of you.

It has been four days now.

Four days since you turned my smiles into tears.

- CS

Nothing

If you close your eyes, do you think of me? When you close your eyes, do you see glints of me? I long for your breath, your lips in my ear. We have everything and nothing at all. I don’t know what I should do. I gave you my love, you gave me disturbances. Are we closing down now? Are you done with us? Is there a change that we could see what this could become? Are we ending this now? Or is this how you take it slow? You give me nothing.

Do feel the same, do you feel that I am leaving you? Do you even care? Nobody likes to lose the one they love. Nobody wants to feel like I do now. Led on, disrespected by the one person I cared for the most. Do you care? Just a little bit? Tiny bit? Would you give me answers if I asked you the questions I long for answers of? Would you laugh? I was ready to give myself to you. I still would. But it seem like you wouldn’t. You give me nothing.

I don’t want to say goodbye, I don’t want you to leave. But if you are going to, do it now. I cannot keep playing games. Don’t I deserve better? I don’t even know what is up. What is wrong. Maybe I am just wrong, assuming things like some sick person. I wish you would tell me. I wish I didn’t have to be guessing and end up asking you myself. I wish you would act like you did in the start. I wish you would let me have you. But, you give me nothing.

Seeing you hurt. I want to look the other way, act like I don’t care. But I can’t. My head keeps turning towards you. I told myself not to answer you, but I did. I told myself not to text you, but I did. I told myself not to smile, but when you said hey and smiled that cute smile of yours, I couldn’t help it. I would give you the world, I would move mountains for you. But you don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve my love, or my tears. You give me nothing. 

- CS

I don't know what I know

I know you were more than happy the first time we kissed cause you tweeted about it

I know you liked the kisses that we shared cause you wouldn’t let me go

I know you liked spending time with me cause you kept asking me out

I know I meant something to you cause you showed up at places you wouldn’t normally go, to see me

I know you thought about me all the time cause you contacted me constantly

I know you wanted to know everything about me cause you kept asking me questions about me

But I don’t know what happened

I don’t know why you have no interest in me anymore

I don’t know why you keep lying to me

I don’t know why you are leading me on, not caring anymore

I don’t know why you felt the need to replace me with her

I don’t know why you’re ignoring me all of a sudden

I don’t know why you don’t appreciate me anymore

I don’t know how we went from talking constantly to almost not at all

I don’t know why or how I lost you

I don’t even know if I did lose you

But I know that you hurt me and that I want you anyway.

- CS

A cage made out of my love to you

The feelings that you made me feel

I cannot imagine anybody else make me feel like that

But it looks like you do the same to every other girl

Are you going to fool her too?

Something in me hope you will

Something in me hopes you will hurt her like you hurt me

She deserves it just as much as you

She fooled me just as much as you did

Did you laugh about it together?

I could imagine you do that

Am I just your entertainment?

Some animal trapped in a cage

A cage made out of my love to you

- CS