Dear you

Dear you who broke my heart without even noticing.

You know, the worst part of all of this is that I really trusted you and I gave myself to you in a way I did to no others here. So now that I am left alone by you, after you hurt and humiliated me the way you that you did, I am hating the fact that I for some reason, and in some weird way still like you and still want what was between us to continue.

I have always thought I wouldn’t be the girl to forgive the boy who hurt me and I honestly don’t understand my own feelings at the moment, I don’t even know if I have actually forgiven you or not. If I was the friend advising myself right now, I would for sure tell myself to forget about you, get over it and move on. But for some reason it is just not that easy.

Lots of love and hate from the girl you tore apart and forgot about.

- CS

Lost again

He was the first one to really break my heart. He treated me like shit and I know I deserve better, but something in me keeps wanting him. The last couple of months I have been telling myself I was over it, over him, and the last weeks I actually believed it, but my old feelings for him are coming back, and I hate it. Being at that place, at that house that reminded me so much of him only made it worse. And now that he is actually contacting me, I am lost again.

- CS

To become old and wise we must first be young and stupid

It is to me incredible how one person can change so much in you. You can go from happy to unhappy, or from unhappy to happy in no time. One person can change your life totally, change your feelings and your thoughts, make you see the world in another way than you have before. A person can make you look at yourself in a new way, make you think of yourself and others in a different perspective.

The person can make a big difference, or a small one. Two people have made a huge difference in my life and changed my way of thinking. There was her and then there was him. She was in my life for a very long time before she became this important, he was not.

She was like the sun rising a happiness and warmth inside of me. She showed me true love and she made me feel something I had always longed to feel. She made me happy and she made me laugh in the most incredible love-filled way. She gave me a new meaning of love. She made my heart smile.

He came into my life like a hunters arrow being shot directly into the heart of his prey. He melted my heart, he changed my plans. His adorable brown eyes and his cheeky smile made me feel something I had felt before, only this time it was stronger. Everything was good, he was lovely and he made me believe he thought the same of me. but something changed, and my heart never solidified again.

People change and people change you. Some people will treat you with respect and some will not. Some will teach you how to live your life by helping you through it with love and their best advices. Some will teach you by treating you badly and breaking your heart. But the people that will come and go throughout your life will make you who you are, who you are meant to be. And to become old and wise we must first be young and stupid. 

- CS

Now I'm lost.

You asked me if I was mad at you

I asked you why

You said I seem mad at you

I told you why

You asked me how

I told you you didn’t seem interested

You said of course you were interested in me

You said you hoped for a new years kiss

You seemed like you forgot about me

I was hurt

You showed me you cared again

Now I'm lost.

- CS

The worst feelings:

cheated on, replaced, over-thinking, lied to, led on, not appreciated, not cared for, being left out, ignored, and worrying.

Basically all the feeling in me right now.

- CS

Can we go back?

Can we go back to that night we first met?

I really liked that night,

I wanna live it again.

Meet you for the very first time again.

Not that I wanna change anything.

I just wanna live it again,

Cause it was so very wonderful.

Wonderful, to meet somebody as sweet as you.

So can we go back?

- CS

Disappointed.

I am disappointed.

I know I should not be,

But I just am.

I am very disappointed!

Am I mean to say I am disappointed?

I mean,

Others did worse!

I should probably be happy,

But I just am not.

I cannot stop thinking about it though.

It is on my mind nonstop.

I wish I had acted differently,

Done something that would change

The situation I am in now.

But I did not,

And now I am disappointed.

Of myself.

- CS

The one that got away

We were sitting against the wall. His right arm was wrapped around me holding me close to him and keeping me warm. My head was in the crack of his neck, resting against his shoulder. My lips touched the skin behind his ear and sometimes his ear lope as I spoke. His fingers were going up and down on my arm, caressing me lovingly. My eyes were closed, I felt so tired. But in that moment, all I wanted was to sit there with him. To talk silently while we kept each other warm. To hold each other. The feeling of my lips meeting his soft skin. The feeling of his fingers playing softly on my arm. To hear his raspy voice speak so low only I could hear it. His left hand found mine and we entwined our fingers. Our fingers played with each other in a slow pace. All we did was sit there and talk about everything and nothing. To caress each other in the most loving, caring and wonderful way. To keep each other warm and awake.

He moved his head so that he was facing me. He looked into my eyes quickly before closing them and leaning his head closer to mine. Our lips met and a passionate kiss began. Our mouths moved in sync as we kissed each other deeply. Forgetting everything about the people around us. Suddenly we were the only ones there, everyone else faded away. Our tongues met again and again as our hands held each other’s faces. None of us wanted to pull away. We didn’t even think about pulling away, before somebody spoke that is. I pulled away and leaned my head against his shoulder. My heart was racing. I was wet around my mouth, but I dint mind it. I could still feel his lips against mine, I could still feel his mouth moving in sync with mine. I wanted to kiss him again, but I didn’t do it.

We stood in the dark, in a shadow from a big tree. People were near but we didn’t see them. We talked like never before. My arms wrapped around his neck hugging him tight. His arms went around my waist keeping me close to him. My head was leaned against his warm chest as we kept on talking silently. We heard somebody ask who was snogging, but we ignored them. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to feel his soft plump lips against mine just one more time. But I was too insecure. So I hugged him instead. And told him I would miss him.

- CS

Let us talk

Can we talk about you

And a bit about me

Maybe about us?

I would like that

No, I would love that.

You could tell me about yourself

I could tell you about me

You know,

I even want to hear the things you have already told me

I just want to talk

I do not care if you think you are boring

I do not think so

I think you are god damn interesting.

Yep, that is what you are

Interesting.

Let us talk

Let us get to know each other better than we already do

Let us find out what we have in common

Let us just talk,

Forever.

- CS

Please.

Please tell me what this is.

Please let me know what you are feeling.

Please tell me if I am stuck in your head.

Cause you are stuck in mine.

Please help me figure this out.

Show me the truth.

Please tell me you like me,

But tell me in what way.

How fast can you fall in love?

Do you know that?

Were you in love before?

Or after? Are you in love now?

Please give me love.

I cannot play hide and seek with love anymore.

Please tell me to leave you the f alone,

Or tell me to stay.

Please tell me what I need.

Cause I do not know.

Please show me.

Please give it to me.

- CS

Kiss.

Kiss me like you wanna be loved.

Cause I do.

Do you?

I want you.

I kissed you.

You kissed me.

And I have never felt something better

Than the feeling of kissing you.

I want to feel your soft plump lips again.

I cannot get them out of my mind.

I do not know if it is crazy,

But I think the kiss made me fall in love with you.

I asked you if you regret it,

You said there was no reason to.

Did you mean that?

Did you mean it when you said I was really sweet?

The kiss is all I think about.

And you.

How about you?

What do you think about?

- CS

Confused.

It is like he is stuck in my head.

Like he cannot get out.

He has blown away everything else in there,

And now there is only him back.

His beautiful brown eyes keeps staring at me,

Even though he is not around.

I can still feel his body against mine.

But he is not here.

I just want him to text me.

Or to call me.

Or like a picture of me on Facebook.

I just want to know if this is real!

I have not thought about anything else than him,

Ever since we shared that one single kiss.

But it was a good kiss.

My first, actually. The best.

But what if it had not happened?

If they had not told us to kiss.

Would I be writing this now?

Would I be in love? Confused.

- CS