Lost again

He was the first one to really break my heart. He treated me like shit and I know I deserve better, but something in me keeps wanting him. The last couple of months I have been telling myself I was over it, over him, and the last weeks I actually believed it, but my old feelings for him are coming back, and I hate it. Being at that place, at that house that reminded me so much of him only made it worse. And now that he is actually contacting me, I am lost again.

- CS

An act.

You know, when I see you now I feel anger

I feel love and I feel lust.

I miss you

And I miss your touch.

When you scroll down the hallways in your black jacket

I feel like I don’t even know you.

And when you look the other way, acting like you don’t see me

It hurts so bad.

I just can’t seem to figure you out

You say you miss me and wanna spend time with me

But why don’t you then?

Why do you text me like you love me but act like you don’t know me.

- CS

Now I'm lost.

You asked me if I was mad at you

I asked you why

You said I seem mad at you

I told you why

You asked me how

I told you you didn’t seem interested

You said of course you were interested in me

You said you hoped for a new years kiss

You seemed like you forgot about me

I was hurt

You showed me you cared again

Now I'm lost.

- CS

You...

You are…

Arrogant

Boastful

Callous

Careless

Cowardly

Cruel

Deceitful

Dishonest

Foolish

Irresponsible

Mean

Nasty

Patronizing

Perverse

Rude

Ruthless

Secretive

Selfish

Self-centered

Stupid

Thoughtless

Untrustworthy

Vain

Cocky

Dumb

You are a…

Jerk

Bitch

Idiot

Man whore

Player

Fool

Dumbass

Creep

Asshole

Pig

Bastard

Shit

Ass

Blockhead

Dunce

Dummy

Jackass

Twit

Weirdo

Loon

Dork

Jock

Loser

Dick

Faggot

- CS

Pathetic

You know what?

I think I am starting to get over you

I can now tell you that if you don’t show me something new soon

I will forget about you

I did not think it was possible

I did not see it coming

But right now I am just so sick and tired of your games

I am done being played and left alone feeling stupid

I still wonder where we stand

I still want to know

We need to talk, I know you know that just as well as I do

I am just not sure if you think it is necessary

Do you have any idea how much you hurt me?

I told my sister not to worry

She told me to make sure you would not hurt me before I let you too close

I did not tell her how you had already broken my heart

People warned me about you and I did not listen to them

I liked you, I really like you for your personality

I just wish you would say the same about me

I have no idea what you think about me

That I am pathetic?

- CS

Love isn't always what you think

Love isn’t always what you think

You think he is worth your time

You think he deserve you heart

You hope he’ll pay you back with his own

Is it really worth trying?

When all you think of is that one person

Even though you don’t know what he is think of

Even though he “can’t” hang out

Is it worth waiting for him to realize you need more

More than whatever It is he is giving

or, What he is not giving

- CS

IS THAT SO?

Do you still like me?

Am I still the one you want?

If we were sat in your car and you were dropping me off, would we be about to kiss?

Do you think of me as I think of you?

- CS

I don't know what I know

I know you were more than happy the first time we kissed cause you tweeted about it

I know you liked the kisses that we shared cause you wouldn’t let me go

I know you liked spending time with me cause you kept asking me out

I know I meant something to you cause you showed up at places you wouldn’t normally go, to see me

I know you thought about me all the time cause you contacted me constantly

I know you wanted to know everything about me cause you kept asking me questions about me

But I don’t know what happened

I don’t know why you have no interest in me anymore

I don’t know why you keep lying to me

I don’t know why you are leading me on, not caring anymore

I don’t know why you felt the need to replace me with her

I don’t know why you’re ignoring me all of a sudden

I don’t know why you don’t appreciate me anymore

I don’t know how we went from talking constantly to almost not at all

I don’t know why or how I lost you

I don’t even know if I did lose you

But I know that you hurt me and that I want you anyway.

- CS

A cage made out of my love to you

The feelings that you made me feel

I cannot imagine anybody else make me feel like that

But it looks like you do the same to every other girl

Are you going to fool her too?

Something in me hope you will

Something in me hopes you will hurt her like you hurt me

She deserves it just as much as you

She fooled me just as much as you did

Did you laugh about it together?

I could imagine you do that

Am I just your entertainment?

Some animal trapped in a cage

A cage made out of my love to you

- CS

I was warned

I was warned

People warned me about you

But I stood up for you

I still wanted you

I didn’t listen to them when they said you were no good

I just laughed

I believed you, I really trusted you

But I see now that they were right when they called you a jerk

No good, that is what you are

But does it change anything for me?

No, I still want you

I still need you

I’m a fool

I have never felled this stupid before

You led me on

But I would let you do it again

- CS

The worst thing

The worst thing about you is that you are a jerk.

The worst thing about me is that I still want you.

The worst thing about this is that I still don’t know the truth for sure.

The worst thing is that I have to find out myself, that you just keep lying.

The worst thing is that not only you but also she betrayed me.

The worst thing is that I think I would forgive you in a heartbeat.

The worst thing is that you probably regret nothing.

- CS