To become old and wise we must first be young and stupid

It is to me incredible how one person can change so much in you. You can go from happy to unhappy, or from unhappy to happy in no time. One person can change your life totally, change your feelings and your thoughts, make you see the world in another way than you have before. A person can make you look at yourself in a new way, make you think of yourself and others in a different perspective.

The person can make a big difference, or a small one. Two people have made a huge difference in my life and changed my way of thinking. There was her and then there was him. She was in my life for a very long time before she became this important, he was not.

She was like the sun rising a happiness and warmth inside of me. She showed me true love and she made me feel something I had always longed to feel. She made me happy and she made me laugh in the most incredible love-filled way. She gave me a new meaning of love. She made my heart smile.

He came into my life like a hunters arrow being shot directly into the heart of his prey. He melted my heart, he changed my plans. His adorable brown eyes and his cheeky smile made me feel something I had felt before, only this time it was stronger. Everything was good, he was lovely and he made me believe he thought the same of me. but something changed, and my heart never solidified again.

People change and people change you. Some people will treat you with respect and some will not. Some will teach you how to live your life by helping you through it with love and their best advices. Some will teach you by treating you badly and breaking your heart. But the people that will come and go throughout your life will make you who you are, who you are meant to be. And to become old and wise we must first be young and stupid. 

- CS

Over him!

I am so happy to say that I am over it

I am over him and his stupid games

I shall not go back to him

He does not deserve it, and I

I deserve better, I deserve to be treated good

It’s a nice feeling to finally be able to tell myself that I won’t go back to him

And I really hope it won’t change, that I wont change my mind again

Because I know it is stupid

I know I would be a goddamn fool to go back to him

But I cannot ignore the little voice in my head telling me that I easily could go back

Go back to being hopelessly in love with a jerk, an idiot.

A player that is what he is

I know that for sure and the stupid ting is that deep down I knew it from the start

I should start listening more to my brain

But then again, I don’t regret what was between us

Actually I Ioved it

And as cheesy as it sounds, you only live once so why not live my life and have fun?

But I should not go back

Cause he’s an asshole, a freaking man whore

And I can find better

I do not need him to be happy

and yes, he did make me happy, but he also made my cry

- CS

Pathetic

You know what?

I think I am starting to get over you

I can now tell you that if you don’t show me something new soon

I will forget about you

I did not think it was possible

I did not see it coming

But right now I am just so sick and tired of your games

I am done being played and left alone feeling stupid

I still wonder where we stand

I still want to know

We need to talk, I know you know that just as well as I do

I am just not sure if you think it is necessary

Do you have any idea how much you hurt me?

I told my sister not to worry

She told me to make sure you would not hurt me before I let you too close

I did not tell her how you had already broken my heart

People warned me about you and I did not listen to them

I liked you, I really like you for your personality

I just wish you would say the same about me

I have no idea what you think about me

That I am pathetic?

- CS

I AM SO STUPID

So guess what? The jerk talked to me today. He said “what’s up, Caroline” as he walked past me in the hallways. I stood by my locker as his stupid walking past my back. Turning my head I heard my voice speak a simple “hey” as his black eye moved down the hall towards his own locker. In my mind I was freaking out. I didn’t know what to do, or what to say. I wanted to ignore him, be hardcore, play hard to get. But that, my friend, is not my style I guess. Not around him at least. As soon as he gives me the slightest bit of attention I am hooked again. I am so stupid!

And guess what? I asked him if he could hang out some time soon. He said he didn’t know because wrestling season was starting. Surprising answer right there! not. I just wish I knew what is going on. No, I wish nothing was. I wish everything was as before. I wish he was mine, and mine alone. I wish I was his. I want to be able to kiss him, touch him, feel him, breath. But I want to smack him, hard. Make him hurt as much as I do. My eyes are still tearing up all the time. They long after him every time he is near. I catch myself looking for him constantly. It’s stupid. This day is stupid. I am so stupid!

- CS

Days

They go by fast, too fast most of the time.

But when you need time, time to recover.

They go by slow, too slow.

                                                     

You have made so many of my days so great.

You have made some miserable.

But I still want to spend my days with you.

I have spent days crying over you.

I have spend days smiling because of you.

It has been four days now.

Four days since you turned my smiles into tears.

- CS