What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Why are you coming back into my life?

Why would you do this to me now?

What is your problem?

Where were you?

Are you coming back?

Are you bringing your heart this time?

Where have your heart been?

What do you expect from me now?

Do you think I will come back to you?

Do you think everything will be good?

What is the point if you don’t even care?

Dear self,

Stop fucking everything up.

Dear you

Dear you who broke my heart without even noticing.

You know, the worst part of all of this is that I really trusted you and I gave myself to you in a way I did to no others here. So now that I am left alone by you, after you hurt and humiliated me the way you that you did, I am hating the fact that I for some reason, and in some weird way still like you and still want what was between us to continue.

I have always thought I wouldn’t be the girl to forgive the boy who hurt me and I honestly don’t understand my own feelings at the moment, I don’t even know if I have actually forgiven you or not. If I was the friend advising myself right now, I would for sure tell myself to forget about you, get over it and move on. But for some reason it is just not that easy.

Lots of love and hate from the girl you tore apart and forgot about.

- CS

Honestly

Honestly I just want people to say that we are good together, that I wouldn’t be stupid for going back to you.

I feel like nobody understands me, what I am going through nor my feelings. I know I am stupid, I know I am out of my mind and I should have more respect for myself, but it is just not that simple. And trust me when I say I hate myself for this, because I know how incredibly stupid it is, but I cannot help it. I cannot help but want him. The want I feel for him, the need even after he treated me like this, I want it to go away, I want so badly to be over it, to be over him. But I think the fact that it never really ended is what is making it so difficult for me. Because there is still something in me that believes that he could be better to me.

I am fighting myself, hating myself for the feelings inside of me. All I want is to be understood by others, and by myself. 

- CS

Lost again

He was the first one to really break my heart. He treated me like shit and I know I deserve better, but something in me keeps wanting him. The last couple of months I have been telling myself I was over it, over him, and the last weeks I actually believed it, but my old feelings for him are coming back, and I hate it. Being at that place, at that house that reminded me so much of him only made it worse. And now that he is actually contacting me, I am lost again.

- CS

To become old and wise we must first be young and stupid

It is to me incredible how one person can change so much in you. You can go from happy to unhappy, or from unhappy to happy in no time. One person can change your life totally, change your feelings and your thoughts, make you see the world in another way than you have before. A person can make you look at yourself in a new way, make you think of yourself and others in a different perspective.

The person can make a big difference, or a small one. Two people have made a huge difference in my life and changed my way of thinking. There was her and then there was him. She was in my life for a very long time before she became this important, he was not.

She was like the sun rising a happiness and warmth inside of me. She showed me true love and she made me feel something I had always longed to feel. She made me happy and she made me laugh in the most incredible love-filled way. She gave me a new meaning of love. She made my heart smile.

He came into my life like a hunters arrow being shot directly into the heart of his prey. He melted my heart, he changed my plans. His adorable brown eyes and his cheeky smile made me feel something I had felt before, only this time it was stronger. Everything was good, he was lovely and he made me believe he thought the same of me. but something changed, and my heart never solidified again.

People change and people change you. Some people will treat you with respect and some will not. Some will teach you how to live your life by helping you through it with love and their best advices. Some will teach you by treating you badly and breaking your heart. But the people that will come and go throughout your life will make you who you are, who you are meant to be. And to become old and wise we must first be young and stupid. 

- CS

Faith can move mountains

There’s a lovely person between Y and I on your keyboard… Just look.

No matter how far apart we are we will always be under the same sky.

If you don't like where you are, move on. You are not a tree

If you don’t build your dreams, someone will hire you to build theirs.

No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and fight for your dreams. 

I love you and I know I am not the only one.

I know you how amazing you are and I can promise you,

if you fight for your dreams and stay true to yourself,

you will get the happiness in life that you need.

remember to always believe in yourself,

Because as we say in Danish; faith can move mountains.

- CS